Out of the Frying Pan
by RainbowMelody
Summary: [ Gwen x Alex ] Germs and viruses are nothing compared to a woman at that special time of the month. A Magical Melody oneshot. Rated for language and mild sexual references.


**Out of the Frying Pan…**

**Author's Note:** You guys have no idea how much fun this was to write XD Ekoaleko and I were talking outside of and we discussed various MM crack couples. Gwen/Alex came to mind, and we thought Gwen would eventually get sick of Alex telling her to take care of her body. And it's short compared to my other crack oneshots, but I hope the humour will make up for it. Enjoy, folks.

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"You piece of crap! Come back here and fight like a man, you wuss!"

_Crash._ The sound of metal on metal as a certain ponytailed blonde chef rummaged through the cookware drawer in search of a weapon sent a shiver of horror up the young man's spine. Unsanitary as it was, the young raven-haired doctor sat on the floor of the Perch Inn, huddled beneath a table in hopes that he wouldn't be found there. Germs and viral infections were nothing compared to the wrath of a woman at that special time of the month.

"Alex!" came another cry from the chef, sounding more like a battle cry to the anxious doctor. "Get your healthy ass out here!"

"As long as you promise not to hurt me," he sent back in reply, which he instantly new was a mistake. Instantly her footsteps drew nearer. He looked up at her sheepishly when she raised the tablecloth. "Um… please, sweetheart?"

The sentiment seemed not to faze Gwen and she raised the frying pan above her head, ready to bring it down on that of the horrified doctor.

He skittered out on the other side of the table and bolted into the kitchen.

"What did I do?" he pleaded as he flung drawers open, seeking a counter-attack to the formidable frying pan. "Come on, Gwen! Don't stress yourself too – eek!"

She swung at him with the frying pan, just barely missing his head as he ducked. Alex felt his hand touch metal in the drawer and whipped out the utensil he'd chosen, ready to defend himself from his moody girlfriend.

Gwen chuckled. "Oh, come on!" she laughed. Alex stopped cringing for long enough to realize that he had grasped none other than the cheese grater from the kitchen drawer. "What're you gonna do? _Grind_ me?"

Alex blushed at the word. He hated when Gwen made such references without realizing it. "Stay back," he warned, trying his hardest not to burst out laughing as he brandished the cheese grater. "I'll do it."

She moved her face closer to his and challenged him. "You wouldn't dare."

They stood, eyes locked in a staredown, for what seemed like hours – at least to Alex. Finally, he dropped his arms, lowering the cheese grater in defeat. "You're right. I wouldn't. We don't know how many bacteria are on the cheese grater and if they were to come in contact with – "

"ALEX!" Gwen cried, whacking him across the head with the frying pan without thinking. "Shut your hygenic mouth! I don't frickin' care about all the diseases floating around in my kitchen! Doesn't exactly make a girl proud to know she's basically feeding viruses and shit to the whole town!"

Alex stood from the floor, rubbing his pounding head. "Ow…" he groaned as spots swam before his eyes. Most likely, that trauma to his head had given him a minor concussion… wait! That wasn't the point. Alex struggled to gain his concentration back to remember what he was going to say to her.

"Now what do you have to say for yourself?" Gwen scolded. Alex was sure her voice wasn't really as high in volume as his recent migraine made it sound.

"Um…" Alex looked her in the eyes. Those ruby-coloured eyes still reminded him of hot coals, burning holes in his head as she glared at him. "I didn't hit you with a cheese grater because I didn't want to damage your perfect face…" He winced for impact, knowing how perfectly cheesy – ironic, now that he thought about it – his words had been.

But instead of receiving another blow to the head with a frying pan, Alex received only a sincerely touched look from Gwen. Her once fiery eyes now reminded him of soft crimson roses, and she lowered her weapon similar to the way he had.

"You mean that?" she asked, voice softened noticeably.

"As much as I mean you should take care of your body," he grinned, one eye partially closed with the pain of his headache.

Gwen put the frying pan back on the counter and reached for Alex, who accepted her embrace without any hint of protest whatsoever. She held him tight, almost squishing whatever life was left in him out.

"I'm sorry, Alex-kins," she said, calling him by that pet-name that no one but them knew about. "I don't know what came over me…"

"It's okay," he said, though his head was still throbbing like mad and her tight embrace wasn't helping much. _Saved by the mood-swings._

"Come on. You can lay down upstairs until the headache goes away. I'll get you some painkillers."

Alex didn't argue. "Sounds good," he said.

The two of them made their way slowly up the stairs, Alex savouring every moment he had with a non-bitchy Gwen at his side. Halfway up, she stopped, and looked at him curiously.

"Alex," she said, her voice questioning. "When I asked you if you were going to _grind_ me… did you mean the cheese grater… or…?"

Alex felt his face flush bright red instantly and he averted his gaze. "Heh… um…"

Seeing his blush and feeling the need to carry the conversation further, Gwen smirked. "Don't doctors know _all about_ body physics?"

The doctor winked at her and continued up the stairs, still flushed, but no longer caring. "More than you'll ever know."


End file.
